This piece is part of the impacted by alcoholism series. Impacted by Alcoholism is a campaign to bring awareness to the issue of Alcohol misuse in the United States and beyond. This story and picture was submitted by Darcy Bloom.
There’s all the typical childhood stuff; neglect, isolation from other people, wasted money and broken promises…
But I didn’t fully comprehend that my dad was an alcoholic, and what that meant until I was in my mid thirties.
There were so many lies and things swept under the carpet, I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.
Needless to say, I have had a lot of challenges in my life connecting with other people, trust issues and also acknowledging my own needs and who I am.
For a long time, I have felt so lost.
Last year my dad died during our first covid lockdown here in Australia…
His last 7 years were rough….for nearly two of those we hadn’t spoken.
He had become brain damaged from alcoholism, was homeless at times and ended up living in a shelter. This is the place that he died…alone in a small room.
I wanted to save him so badly, even after everything that had happened, but I couldn’t.
It would have meant sacrificing my own family and impacting my daughter.
The guilt has been heavy; at times I thought it would consume me.
I have written a lot of a angry, painful words about him and his addiction, but the thing that really sits with me now is that I missed out on a “normal” father/daughter relationship with him. It just wasn’t possible and along with grieving him, I’m also grieving the things we could never have.